Inner Power

Inner Power

by | Energetics

The world lost a great story-teller and role-model this week, when Maya Angelou died.  At age 86, she still inspired folks with her optimistic and philosophical writings and recordings.  Her life wasn’t always easy, having experienced racial discrimination, sexual abuse and poverty in her early years. She elected to retreat from life and its pain for many years, but upon years of reflection and self-healing, she found renewed strength and optimism for living.

She credits her grandmother with teaching her about determination, optimism and courage.  Maya is quoted as having said,

” You’ll never hear me complain.  I will protest, but I will not complain… Bitterness is like cancer.  It eats up the host.” 

And therein lies a unique lesson about personal power.

What is the difference between protesting and complaining?  At the core, one comes from a place of personal empowerment, while the other comes from a place of powerlessness.  When we feel empowered, we have respect for ourselves and others. Our confidence is evident, but not overbearing or aggressive. We speak our truth clearly, yet allow others to speak theirs without feeling defensive or superior towards them. We can be curious, gracious, courageous, successful and engaged with the world for we understand both our uniqueness and sameness in the “grand scheme of things”.  We set healthy boundaries in our relationships with others. We understand and respect that everyone has their strengths and challenges and that although we can be supportive of their journey, we can’t learn their life lessons for them. That is their job.

Being empowered does not  mean being aggressive, controlling or punitive.  These are unhealthy ways of expressing personal power.  There is no respect or regard for well-being in this dynamic. Yet, when we talk about empowerment, many people automatically think  it means to be aggressive or bossy. It does not.

When we experience powerlessness in our life, we become victimized by external events and relationships.  Somehow, we give up our voice and choice in matters pertaining to our lives.  Instead, we look to others to lead us and do for us.  We give responsibility for our choices and directions to others.  This powerlessness is usually evident in people with dependent and passive traits and behaviour. It can be a learned way of being or may develop over time if stresses have been overwhelming. But to give up one’s inner power is huge. Where is the confidence, self-respect, responsibility, courage and success so necessary for a happy and healthy life?

What is interesting to note, is that people who exhibit passive or dependent behaviour are just as controlling as those who are abusive and aggressive.  They try getting their way and needs met, but in a more indirect manner. These folks may not realize it, but their attitudes and behaviour keep others on tender hooks as they try to help, nurture and protect them.  And generally, whatever is done, is not good enough.  Resentment, bitterness and anger tend to build up in both parties.  Respect dwindles over time. As you can imagine, the sense of powerlessness in the first person can now become a feature in the helper.  Unless the internal and external dynamics change, the cycle continues to grow.

If Maya Angelou was able to find her way out of poverty, discrimination and abuse by connecting to her Inner Power, and then become an enthusiastic, respected, powerful role model of loving kindness and courage, then there is hope for all of us! 

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

What is Lapis Lazuli

What is Lapis Lazuli

by | Life Reflections, Psycho-Spiritual

Lapis Lazuli is a metamorphosed limestone that contains blue Lazurite.   It also contains Pyrite, which adds a golden sparkle, and Calcite which shows up as white flecks.  Other trace minerals may be present, too.  Lapis is Latin for stone . Both the names Lazuli and Lazurite are derived from the Persian word lazhuward   and Latin word  lazulum , meaning “blue or heaven” . The best Lapis Lazuli is found in limestone in the Kokcha river valley of Badakhshan province in Afghanistan.  The value of lapis lazuli is largely determined by the abundance and colour of the dark intense blue Lazurite. The flecks of pyrite and calcite can either increase or decrease the value, depending upon how much is present in the stone.

Lapis Lazuli has been mined for over 6000 years.  Ancients used it extensively in religious ceremonies and as jewelry, amulets and talismans.  It was featured prominently in the sarcophagus of King Tut of Ancient Egypt.  Rulers wore it for protection, wisdom and inspiration.  It was believed to promote clear understanding, deep communication and intuition,  balance the thyroid gland and strengthen the neck and vocal cords.  This stone was once powdered and mixed with oil to produce the pigment ultramarine , which is seen in the beautiful blues of Renaissance paintings.

In Chakra theory, Lapis Lazuli is associated with both the throat and third-eye chakras .  In astrology, it is said to give Sagittarius the power of friendship and help in making decisions.  It has a history of alleviating depression, promotes bonding and strengthens idealism. It is also considered a “career stone’;  wear it to increase your success.

However you use Lapis Lazuli, whether it be for decoration, jewelry or meditation,  it is a beautiful addition to one’s collection.

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse-Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Did you know ……

  • Lapis Lazuli is also found on Baffin Island, Canada
  • Blue is the colour associated with the throat chakra (Speak your Truth)
  • Red is the complimentary colour to Blue and is associated with the Root Chakra (Trust/Security)
Desiderata Revisited

Desiderata Revisited

by | Life Reflections, Psycho-Spiritual

On my recent vacation to Antigua, I spent many hours walking the beach, wading in the turquoise water and collecting special seashells and beach glass as souvenirs . On one particular afternoon, I found myself looking out to sea and hearing this phrase in my head:  Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. It described the moment perfectly.  As I began walking along the water’s edge and looking to the sky, another phrase came to mind:  You are a child of the universe – and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.   Again, in this moment, a perfect description of what I was experiencing. Then I stopped in my tracks.  Holy flashback, Batman!  It’s the Desiderata!

The year was 1971.   I was a teen and like all my friends, I loved to listen to music.  At that time, John Lennon was encouraging us to “Imagine” ;  The Doors were describing “Riders on the Storm” and “LA Woman” ;  John Denver was asking “Take Me Home, Country Roads” ;  Aretha Franklin wanted us to “Rock Steady “;  Janis Joplin lamented about “Me and Bobby McGee” ; Rod Stewart wondered about “Maggie May” ; the Rolling Stones were singing about “Brown Sugar” and “Wild Horses” ;  and the Led Zepplin guys were climbing a “Stairway to Heaven” .  But unlike these songs, Les Crane chose to recite a poem!  Highly unusual, given what the rest of the music industry was doing. His deep, soothing voice was almost hypnotic.  He sounded like an older friend offering sage advice for leading a good life.  And he got a Grammy Award for ” Best Spoken Word Recording” that year.

The poem was entitled Desiderata which means “things that are desired”  or  “things that are yearned for” .   It was written in the 1920’s by an American lawyer in Terre Haute, Indiana, named Max Ehrmann (1872-1945). He supposedly penned it after World War I, yet before the Stock Market Crash and Great Depression .  In a sense, he was outlining a philosophy of living.   Through the eyes of youth, it seemed very serious and solemn at a time when we were embarking upon our independence and staking claims to our future. But I had the poster on the wall in my room anyway!  However, looking at Desiderata after 43 more years of life experience,  what a gift it is!   It has offered guidelines to living a meaningful life. It has offered a framework for my review and reflections upon all that has transpired in my life since my introduction to the poem/song in 1971. And over time, I have seen most of it unfold as Max Ehrmann described.

This made me wonder: maybe those who were too young to remember this poem/song might also gain life insights if they had a chance to read and ponder it. With this in mind, I give you the Desiderata , by Max Ehrmann (copyright 1927).
(note: the second last sentence has had two versions, so I’ve included both for your consideration)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant;  they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;  for always, there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.  But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;  many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.  Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.  But do not distress yourself with imaginings.  Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.  Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars,  You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.  With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be careful (Be cheerful).

Strive to be happy.

Article written by Pat Antoniak, Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Change and Transformation

Change and Transformation

by | Life Reflections

Understanding that energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be transformed, is a good place to start when one looks at transformation.   Since transformation is taking what currently exists and creating something different,  it is somewhat reassuring to see that nothing is ever really lost in the process;  just changed from what it once was.  Yet for some, even the thought of small change produces such stress as to paralyse them from taking any transformative action. This paralysis can actually add to the stress, although the person experiencing it does not usually see it.

Change involves loss, because something must go in order for something new to arrive.  The way one has handled loss in life will influence how any changes are viewed.  Traumatic loss generally transfers a feeling of trauma whenever change is on the horizon. Trauma evokes fear.  According to the Law of Attraction,  re-living this sense of trauma only attracts more trauma.  This then increases a sense of being powerlessness to do anything different. One begins to lose confidence and courage to deal with future changes and loss. Depression and anxiety can become overwhelming.

However, if loss has been acknowledged, grieved and let go,  the opportunity to experience change in a positive way then exists.  Although grief is experienced as painful, it can be transformational. To go through the emotions and memories is necessary in order to put the relationship into perspective.  The attachment to what was lost must now transform into a sense of non-attachment if one is to move on and be healthy.  And with this transformation comes  deeper knowledge and understanding of yourself, the world and your connection to All That Is.

People have choice – how you choose to approach loss and change is up to you.   Love yourself enough to take the road of change and transformation.  As the saying goes,  “You’ll love what you become”  … Collette Baron-Reid.

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse-Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

The Merits of Positive Self-Esteem

The Merits of Positive Self-Esteem

by | Life Reflections

Years ago, I asked my nursing students, “If you could give a child one gift, what would it be? ”  As expected, responses such as love, understanding, protection, support, health, education were listed.  And while all of these are important, I challenged them to consider something else.  I offered the suggestion that giving a child positive self-esteem and self-worth would ensure that all their needs would be met throughout their lifetime.  Let me share some of the reasons for my suggestion.

Self-esteem has three basic components:
1.  Body image – the mental image we have of our physical being and our attitudes towards our body and its various parts and functions (called the Perceptual Aspect)

2.  Self-respect – the feeling that we are worthwhile and that what we are doing, or have done, is “right” according to our values  (called the Emotional Aspect)

3.  Self-confidence – believing we are able and have the ability to do things or the power to make things happen  (called the Cognitive Aspect)

Self-esteem is the key to a person’s behaviour.   It influences thinking, emotions, desires, values and goals. It is also the way we judge ourselves.   If we feel positive about ourselves and our lives, this influences how we relate and behave towards others – and ourselves.  Positive self-evaluations give us feelings of energy and acceptance; of being in control and accountable for our life experiences;  we can appreciate our own worth and contributions, and those of others.

Low self-esteem results in less of a sense of self.   Feelings and basic needs are not recognized or expressed and self-image becomes unrealistic, negative and often hurtful.  When people feel they don’t measure up, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, distorted beliefs about self and others, a depletion of energy and a sense of being powerless.  Powerlessness has its own set of difficulties for a person to overcome.

“The way we see ourselves and the way we feel and think about ourselves is learned through our interaction with others and through their responses to us.  It is not something we are endowed with at birth!  Because it is learned, it follows that positive self-esteem can be promoted or negative self-esteem can be transformed into a positive one through successfull learning experiences.”     Dugas and Knor

According to Dugas and Knor, self-esteem is fostered by:
–  fulfillment of basic physiological needs
–  a safe physical environment
–  an adequate income to purchase the necessities of life
–  supportive, nurturing family, school and work environments
–  a strong support network of family and friends
–  a nurturing community
–  cultural customs and mores
–  a sense of purpose in life
–  good health
–   successful transitions through developmental stages in the life cycle.

When provided with these things, a person’s self esteem will soar.   But real life doesn’t always deal us this hand.  This is why I suggest by giving a child the gift of unwavering positive self-esteem right from the start, it will help them throughout the times when life seems to be more harsh. If positive self-esteem and self-worth are the “default settings”, so to speak, then the ability of the child to stay healthy, happy and productive over her/his life span is strengthened.

Imagine a child who has a healthy, respectful and loving attitude towards her/his body and respects her/him self enough to choose what is necessary to keep this body healthy.  Imagine a child respecting and believing in her/him self enough to set healthy boundaries with others so that they are neither the victim nor would they victimize others.  Imagine a child who is not afraid to explore, question and try new things, yet has the judgement, common sense and courtesy to neither offend nor ignore others.

Quiet confidence, dignity, respect, responsibility, courage, health, compassion and joy .  With this as the foundation,  imagine the adult who emerges.

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Did you know ……
–  Self-esteem is to the mind, what food is to the body;  all humans need self-esteem for both physical and psychological well-being. (Simmermacher 1989)
–  Pessimists have higher levels of most diseases, probably because they have an overcharged Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) and a relatively run down immune system.   (Dr. David Peters 2002)
–   Being critical of yourself sends a negative message to your mind; and where the mind goes, the body follows!