The Family Care-Giver and Burn-out

The Family Care-Giver and Burn-out

Looking through my latest journal from the Canadian Nurses Association, I was struck by a couple of comments on those caring for a family member or friend.

“About 13 million Canadians are providing some type of care to a family member or friend, with age-related health issues being the most common reason this help is needed. …  It is estimated that family caregivers contribute more than $5 billion in unpaid labour annually to Canada’s health-care system.” (pg.20).

That’s a lot of time spent attending to the needs of others, never mind the other day-to-day responsibilities these people must also attend to. Trying to juggle all the responsibilities and activities in a day must leave many people feeling exhausted. It got me to wonder:  How can these care-givers prevent burn-out? What do they need?  How are they able to replenish themselves so they can continue to help others and maintain their own health?

Burn-out is often mentioned in stress-management literature. Essentially, it is the point of total exhaustion on all levels. The effects of long-term chronic stress may not be apparent at first, but eventually they come cascading down on the individual.  Even though most people realize on some level that they cannot keep up this pace over a long time without some type of fallout, they keep going. Many feel they are trapped and cannot take time to rest, reflect and recharge, as their free time is short and their list of responsibilities is long. Some are hooked into the situation because of guilt, dependency or because they worry about what other people would think if they did not help out.  But if you don’t take care of the care-giver, and the care-giver gets ill or worse, who will then take care of the ailing friend or family member?

From this standpoint, care for the care-giver is not a luxury or frill – it is a necessity!  If the care-giver is in trouble, then the whole situation is in trouble.  So what does it take to help a care-giver avoid burn-out?

Let’s back up the train a bit: perhaps the best time to learn and utilize loving self-care is before we find ourselves stretched beyond our limits.  Being proactive in our health and stress management goes a long way to maintaining good health, even during stressful times.  Knowing what we need and what works for us will come in handy throughout our lifetime.

Humans are said to be multi-dimensional in that we are Physical – Emotional – Intellectual – Social – Spiritual Beings. It stands to reason that our stresses can overwhelm us in any of these dimensions.  A healthy repertoire of coping and stress-management approaches is necessary if we want to head off the threat of burn-out.  Having a variety of healthy ways to handle stress offers us the most resiliency to bounce back.  What would these approaches be?

In no particular order, here are some suggestions:

  • get enough sleep to feel refreshed each day
  • eat a well-balanced diet and take supplements as required to help fuel our energy banks
  • do some form of regular exercise that offers a chance to help work off excessive frustration, worry or anger and replace with a sense of accomplishment and relief
  • create a strong supportive network of neighbours, family, and friends to call upon, to visit with and/or share your thoughts and feelings AND hugs
  • perform a meditative practice which helps connect to a Higher Power so that you feel guided, protected and loved each day
  • do something that makes you feel special
  • use natural aromas to help keep your mood upbeat and the home setting pleasant
  • take some time each day to do something that stimulates your curiosity (reading or exploring)
  • take some time each day to do something that stimulates your thinking (crossword puzzles, anyone?)
  • take some time each day to day-dream and do your hobbies  (fun and fantasy!)
  • get outside for fresh air at least once a day
  • if you need help, ask for it
  • if the situation is becoming too much to handle by yourself, contact community agencies that can help or that can put you in touch with the agencies that can help you
  • if you need professional counseling, get it
  • BE KIND TO YOURSELF – YOU ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS!

Add as many other approaches as you like – the wider the choice, the better your chances of keeping stress under control.

Learning to cope with stresses is an important step to maintaining a healthy and happy outlook and life.  And if, at some point, you take on a care-giver role, you’ll know how to deal with the stresses that come with the job. That’s because you are already doing it for yourself!

Did you know ……

  • 96% of Canadians think it is important (74.8%) or somewhat important (21.1%) to be able to age at home with access to health care in a home setting (CNA research October 2014)
  • 94% of Canadians want more financial aid from the federal government for family caregivers who are caring for aging relatives  (67% support;  26.8% somewhat support)
    (CNA research October 2014
    )
  • Labatt Brewing Company has created practical help for parents wanting strategies to help keep dialogue open with children and teens regarding the use of alcohol.  Go to LabattFamilyTalk.ca
    to download their free Parenting Guide, see videos and tips from experts in the field
Spiritual Practices in Today’s World

Spiritual Practices in Today’s World

Spiritual traditions and practices teach techniques to help seekers transform themselves and their lives.  As the darkest days of the year approach, they invite us to be still for a moment and “go within” to discover the answers we seek.  Spiritual practices are not necessarily religious, as spirituality can exist quite well without religious dogma.  Spiritual practices can be as simple as, “Breath in, Breath out,” or as complex as  certain rituals involving fire/smoke, meditations, or pilgrimage to sacred sites.  No matter what you choose to practice, there are a few basic guidelines to help promote your spiritual practices.

Firstly, before starting any spiritual practice, relax your body, clear your mind of excessive thoughts and worries and bring yourself to a state of quiet alertness.  If you try too hard, you will miss the whole point of the practice!   To help find this quiet alertness, make sure your environment is calm and quiet.  By reducing distractions, you make it easier to focus on the practice.  Practice grounding, breathing and focusing techniques.

Practice makes better, so be sure to allow yourself regular times each day to perform your spiritual techniques.  These techniques are designed to help us transform old ways of thinking and doing, into something more expansive.  If we don’t spend time learning and practicing these techniques, they will not be of much benefit to our evolution.

What we choose to practice should not become a chore.  We should look forward to the time we spend expanding our spirit. Whenever something become tedious or boring, it’s time to shake it up! If we continue with that which no longer interests us, we will likely stop the practice altogether. And that doesn’t help with our development.  So, add some zest with music, change of scenery, dancing, aromas, colours, clothes (on or off!), or change the practice to something else for awhile.

It is important to realize that expanded spiritual awareness can happen at any time, not just when you are engaged in your spiritual practice.  It can happen when we least expect it. So the trick is to be open to receive these insights and gifts at any time.  It might come as a beautiful sunset, the fragrance of a flower, the smile of a stranger, a powerful dream or the attention from a beloved pet. Just say, “Thank you, I accept“!

What would you consider a spiritual practice?
There are as many answers as there are seekers!
Some of the more common practices include:
prayer, meditation, mantras, creating sacred space, smudging, sweat lodge, reading sacred texts, using imagination/visualizations, Tai Chi, yoga, singing, fasting, vow of silence, selfless service, pilgrimages, retreats, hiking, swimming with dolphins, walking the beach, vision quest, dancing, dream diary, sacred herbs.

To come closer to the god/goddess within is to come closer to the magic and mystery of the universal Truth.  Spiritual practices help us connect with that Truth so we can use that knowledge in our lives.

As we come closer to the shortest day and longest night of the year, find meaningful ways to go within to find those answers you seek. Your world is waiting for you to blossom!

An afterthought:
An important point to remember is that the art of spiritual practice is to do what you feel needs to be done, without becoming too holy about it. 
 You are already perfect; spirituality is a process of discovering this fact!  If we all realized this truth, we would not need spiritual practices because we would already be enlightened.

Did you know ……

  • For shamans, power plants are gifts from the gods that let them enter the spirit world
  • Kahunas are the shamans of Hawaii; they help us take 100% responsibility for our lives and the actions around us
  • Mantra is a word or phrase used as an object of meditation; by repeating a mantra, practitioners distract themselves from intrusive thoughts and enter a state of meditative awareness.

 Article written by Pat Antoniak  Registered Nurse-Registered Aromatherapist and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Respiratory Health During Cold & Flu Season

Respiratory Health During Cold & Flu Season

Cold and Flu season is gaining momentum. Both conditions can be transmitted through airborne germs, which are then breathed into our nose, sinuses, mouth, throat and lungs.  It is necessary for the respiratory tract to remain intact, clean and moist in order to help fend off these germs.  The whole tract is lined with specialized skin called mucous membranes.  The respiratory passages must allow for the free flow of mucous, as this substance can trap germs and debris and help us expel these things before they get established in our bodies.  You may be more familiar with common terms used for mucous in the respiratory system: snot and phlegm. Laugh if you must, but do not dismiss their importance in maintaining our health! The upper respiratory tract is the first contact point with the outside air – the air is then sent down into the lower respiratory tract (bronchi and lungs). If the mucous membrane lining of the upper respiratory tract is not healthy, then our first line of defense against airborne germs is compromized.  If mucous does not flow freely, then it creates an environment for infections to take hold.  This can spell trouble for either the upper or lower respiratory tracts. Conditions such as sinusitis, laryngitis, bronchitis and pneumonia are just a few of the problems we open ourselves up to.  So how can we help keep our respiratory system healthy?

  1. Mucous membranes need moisture.

This moisture must occur both inside and outside the body. Increasing our fluid intake helps keep the tissues moist. Water, teas and juices are good choices. Increasing the humidity in the home and office helps keep the air we breathe moist.  As outdoor temperatures go down, so does the air’s ability to hold moisture. With forced air and electrical heaters now in full operation, the air we do breathe is dried out.  So anything we can do to add moisture to our environment is helpful.  Water humidifiers can be a great help, as can water fountains, aquariums and tropical plants.

If you have sinus or throat problems, using steam inhalations (even better with essential oils added!) several times a day can help keep the mucous from getting thick and sticky. A Neti Pot is helpful in clearing out excess mucous and debris from sinuses – it can also deliver moisture directly to the sinuses.  Gargling with aromatic waters, salt water or just lemon and water help keep the mouth and throat clean and moist.

  1. The respiratory system likes clean air.

With fewer pollutants in the air, the respiratory system doesn’t need to work so hard at cleaning up what you breathe in. This means it can be more efficient at stopping germs and other nasties from entering your body. Dust, pollens, animal dander, smoke, exhaust and strong fumes from industrial products are just a few of the things that really irritate the respiratory lining and make it difficult to breathe easily.  if the mucous lining becomes overly irritated, it will begin producing so much mucous in response to those things irritating it that the excess mucous now begins to block the actual breathing passages.  Ask anyone with allergies and they’ll tell you what it is like to be in the presence of their allergen!  Not pleasant at all.

Keep your air clean by ensuring the heating ducts in your house are dust/debris free; mop/vacuum/dust your floors and furniture often;  if you have pets that shed, brush them frequently so that the excess fur doesn’t end up on your linens/furniture/floors;  use an ionic air cleaner; diffuse/spray essential oils to kill germs in every room (especially important if someone ill is in the house), every day; open up windows/doors to let fresh air into the house, office, vehicle whenever possible;  stay clear of people who are coughing and spewing their germs!

  1. Mucous membranes need lubrication.

Lubrication helps tissues to stay moist which prevents tissue breakdown and keeps mucous flowing. Lips love cream, gloss or anything soothing to help prevent chapped or cracked sores.  The nostrils appreciate daily cream or nasal oil applications to keep the membranes from cracking.  The throat enjoys sprays and gargles that help ease strain and kill germs – aromatic waters and syrups are great for these approaches.

Some Essential OIls known to help support respiratory health include:  Eucalyptus, Myrtle, Clove, Frankincense, Cedarwood, Camphor, Rosemary, Sweet Basil, Tea Tree, Niaouli, Cajeput, Thyme, Oregano, Pine, Fir and Spruce.

If you attend to the needs of your respiratory system every day, you have a better chance of protecting yourself from the airborne germs that fly your way.  Of course, you’ll need to keep your immune system primed, too – but that is a topic for another day!

An After-Thought:
While you are at it, why not offer your whole body a nourishing, moisturizing cream or oil?
  The skin needs lots of attention during our dry winter. It, too, offers protection from infection if it is healthy and intact. Like its relative, the mucous membranes, it yearns for moisture (plant hydrosol misters, anyone?), protection from the elements and non-irritating lubricating substances (natural, non-chemical products) used on it.

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse- – Registered Aromatherapist and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

 Did you know ……

  • Eucalyptus essential oil can break down excess mucous and help expel it from the respiratory system
  • Clove, Tea-Tree and Eucalyptus are members of the same botanical family:  Myrtaceae
  • Oregano, Thyme and Clove essential oils are strong antibacterial /antimicrobial oils due to their high phenol content – a little goes a long way!
Victimization, Helplessness and Caretaking

Victimization, Helplessness and Caretaking

Some people have a firmly ingrained belief that they are victims and their feelings of helplessness and misery are habitual.  Victimization has been likened to wearing a grey cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to create the feelings of victimization.  Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even when good things happen to us.
For example:
Got a new car?  Yes, but it doesn’t run as well as I expected …
You’ve got a nice family!  Yes, but there are problems.  And we’ve had such hard times…..
Your career is going well!  Yes, but there is a price to pay for that success.  Lots of paperwork and long working hours….

As Melody Beattie so beautifully states in her book, The Language of Letting Go,   “… If we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.”

Who are these victims?  When we look at the literature on co-dependency, addictions and mood disorders,  it seems we can find many clients and their family members with victimization and helplessness issues.  These folks tend to have low self-esteem, difficulty expressing and dealing with feelings, problems setting healthy boundaries with others, an inability to really love and value one’s self, unable to provide themselves with healthy and helpful self-care, and  someone who often puts the welfare of others ahead of their own.  In many situations, this person would be called the Caretaker.  So, what is Caretaking?

In its basic form, Caretaking is the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves.  When we feel instinctively responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort and destiny of others, we are caretakers.  We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we are responsible for theirs.  Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like this.  And our real needs and expectations go unmet.

It’s wonderful to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person.  But caretaking is neglecting ourselves in this relationship to the point of feeling victimized.  Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves. Put another way:  caretaking is a way of showing another person that you believe they are incapable of doing/feeling/thinking for themselves, so you must do it for them.  If they are not given an opportunity to practice self-responsibility, they do not learn the skill(s) needed to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. They have little self-confidence in their abilities because you have taken that learning opportunity away from them.  And the cycle of victimization and helplessness grows.

Caretaking doesn’t work.  It hurts other people;  it hurts us.  People get angry. They feel hurt, used and victimized.  So do we.

The kindest and most generous behaviour we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves – for what we think, feel, want and need.  The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves and let others take responsibility for themselves.  By allowing self-responsibility to replace helplessness and dependency, we help break the cycle of victimization felt by all parties.

Final thoughts from Melodie Beattie:
“We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized.  We do not have to let others victimize us.  We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.
We are free to stand in the glow of Self-Responsibility.

Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone to stop that! Walk away from a relationship!  Ask for what you need!  Make choices and take responsibility for them! Explore options! Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up and claim your power!  Claim responsibility for yourself!  And learn to enjoy what is good. “
Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Cycles, Seasons and Changes

Cycles, Seasons and Changes

Life has its cycles and seasons:  waking, sleeping, working, playing, birth, death, rebirth and so on.  There are daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and life-time rhythms that help us with lessons and movement in our lives. There are internal and external cycles influencing us at every turn, to help us learn and grow. These lessons are designed to create change in our lives. Learn the lessons, and the change moves us closer to our true selves and purpose. Don’t learn the lessons – well, there will be another time and chance! But resisting change is not in the natural flow of the Universal order.Although these life cycles are ever-present, some people choose to ignore or suppress their existence. It could be because the idea of change is unfamiliar territory and therefore is frightening.  Or perhaps what you are being asked to do/think/feel is not what your ego wants.  Ignore the cycles and you will believe that you don’t have to change.  One requires an enormous amount of energy to deny and resist the cycles and seasons of life. And this denial and resistance can create issues in all aspects of living: physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual.In her oracle cards, Colette Baron-Reid writes about the Sisters of the Seasons:  “Just as the seasons magically pass, be reminded that the nature of birth, growth, harvest and decay cannot be altered.  .. Be mindful of which Sister greets you, for she points directly at the next.”She also tells of Maeve, the Celtic goddess of cycles and femininity:  “All of life is cyclical.. Life inhales, then exhales again. So why should you be surprised or upset that you, too, have cycles? There are times when you feel energized, awake and alive. There are other times when you feel isolated and shy…Celebrate these rhythms and embrace them as the essence of the lifeblood that courses through you.”

One of the most familiar symbols of change and transformation is the Phoenix.  It has different names in different cultures, but ultimately its message is the same:  Death and Rebirth are related, as nothing truly dies, but it will change from one ending into a new beginning. The Phoenix is constantly rising up from the ashes; each time it increases in its power, knowledge and abilities.  It is a powerful image to reflect upon when one is working on personal transformation and change.

Change requires a release and letting go of that which no longer serves our highest good. Change has an element of loss involved with it. A person’s history with loss will influence how well they embrace change. Too much change at once can feel burdensome, ungrounding and overwhelming. But allowing no change in life can make us feel stuck, lifeless and victimized.

The trick is to understand the cycles and their lessons and how we can relate to them at each stage of our lives.  Our ability to shift and change with the seasons of life influences our whole being.  Instead of feeling stuck, choose movement.  Instead of feeling victimized, choose strength.  Imagine yourself as the Phoenix, and you will understand how to go with the Universal flow.

 Did you know ……

  • Carnelian is related to Sacral Chakra – which helps with creativity, joy and reproduction
  • The Autumn Equinox is time for reflecting upon the harvest and that which supports abundance and prosperity
  • Your immune system responds to positive affirmations and will  stay strong with laughter, dance and song