Some people have a firmly ingrained belief that they are victims and their feelings of helplessness and misery are habitual.  Victimization has been likened to wearing a grey cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to create the feelings of victimization.  Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even when good things happen to us.
For example:
Got a new car?  Yes, but it doesn’t run as well as I expected …
You’ve got a nice family!  Yes, but there are problems.  And we’ve had such hard times…..
Your career is going well!  Yes, but there is a price to pay for that success.  Lots of paperwork and long working hours….

As Melody Beattie so beautifully states in her book, The Language of Letting Go,   “… If we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.”

Who are these victims?  When we look at the literature on co-dependency, addictions and mood disorders,  it seems we can find many clients and their family members with victimization and helplessness issues.  These folks tend to have low self-esteem, difficulty expressing and dealing with feelings, problems setting healthy boundaries with others, an inability to really love and value one’s self, unable to provide themselves with healthy and helpful self-care, and  someone who often puts the welfare of others ahead of their own.  In many situations, this person would be called the Caretaker.  So, what is Caretaking?

In its basic form, Caretaking is the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves.  When we feel instinctively responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort and destiny of others, we are caretakers.  We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we are responsible for theirs.  Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like this.  And our real needs and expectations go unmet.

It’s wonderful to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person.  But caretaking is neglecting ourselves in this relationship to the point of feeling victimized.  Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves. Put another way:  caretaking is a way of showing another person that you believe they are incapable of doing/feeling/thinking for themselves, so you must do it for them.  If they are not given an opportunity to practice self-responsibility, they do not learn the skill(s) needed to be self-reliant and self-sufficient. They have little self-confidence in their abilities because you have taken that learning opportunity away from them.  And the cycle of victimization and helplessness grows.

Caretaking doesn’t work.  It hurts other people;  it hurts us.  People get angry. They feel hurt, used and victimized.  So do we.

The kindest and most generous behaviour we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves – for what we think, feel, want and need.  The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves and let others take responsibility for themselves.  By allowing self-responsibility to replace helplessness and dependency, we help break the cycle of victimization felt by all parties.

Final thoughts from Melodie Beattie:
“We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized.  We do not have to let others victimize us.  We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.
We are free to stand in the glow of Self-Responsibility.
Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone to stop that! Walk away from a relationship!  Ask for what you need!  Make choices and take responsibility for them! Explore options! Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up and claim your power!  Claim responsibility for yourself!  And learn to enjoy what is good. “
Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Life has its cycles and seasons:  waking, sleeping, working, playing, birth, death, rebirth and so on.  There are daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and life-time rhythms that help us with lessons and movement in our lives. There are internal and external cycles influencing us at every turn, to help us learn and grow. These lessons are designed to create change in our lives. Learn the lessons, and the change moves us closer to our true selves and purpose. Don’t learn the lessons – well, there will be another time and chance! But resisting change is not in the natural flow of the Universal order.Although these life cycles are ever-present, some people choose to ignore or suppress their existence. It could be because the idea of change is unfamiliar territory and therefore is frightening.  Or perhaps what you are being asked to do/think/feel is not what your ego wants.  Ignore the cycles and you will believe that you don’t have to change.  One requires an enormous amount of energy to deny and resist the cycles and seasons of life. And this denial and resistance can create issues in all aspects of living: physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual.In her oracle cards, Colette Baron-Reid writes about the Sisters of the Seasons:  “Just as the seasons magically pass, be reminded that the nature of birth, growth, harvest and decay cannot be altered.  .. Be mindful of which Sister greets you, for she points directly at the next.”She also tells of Maeve, the Celtic goddess of cycles and femininity:  “All of life is cyclical.. Life inhales, then exhales again. So why should you be surprised or upset that you, too, have cycles? There are times when you feel energized, awake and alive. There are other times when you feel isolated and shy…Celebrate these rhythms and embrace them as the essence of the lifeblood that courses through you.”

One of the most familiar symbols of change and transformation is the Phoenix.  It has different names in different cultures, but ultimately its message is the same:  Death and Rebirth are related, as nothing truly dies, but it will change from one ending into a new beginning. The Phoenix is constantly rising up from the ashes; each time it increases in its power, knowledge and abilities.  It is a powerful image to reflect upon when one is working on personal transformation and change.

Change requires a release and letting go of that which no longer serves our highest good. Change has an element of loss involved with it. A person’s history with loss will influence how well they embrace change. Too much change at once can feel burdensome, ungrounding and overwhelming. But allowing no change in life can make us feel stuck, lifeless and victimized.

The trick is to understand the cycles and their lessons and how we can relate to them at each stage of our lives.  Our ability to shift and change with the seasons of life influences our whole being.  Instead of feeling stuck, choose movement.  Instead of feeling victimized, choose strength.  Imagine yourself as the Phoenix, and you will understand how to go with the Universal flow.

 Did you know ……

• Carnelian is related to Sacral Chakra – which helps with creativity, joy and reproduction
• The Autumn Equinox is time for reflecting upon the harvest and that which supports abundance and prosperity
• Your immune system responds to positive affirmations and will  stay strong with laughter, dance and song

Weight and emotional eating are two sides of the same coin. A few years ago, several people here at the Centre used the Dukan Diet to successfully lose weight and improve their health.  But interestingly, several people now report that their weight is going up again – and significantly for some. The most common reason I’ve heard for this weight gain is,
“I’m an emotional eater; this doesn’t work when I’m stressed or upset.”  So what exactly does this mean and what can be done about it?

Excessive weight gain is not so easy to explain, as there are several factors at play which can and will create issues for establishing and maintaining a healthy body weight.  There are physiological factors, such as heredity/genetics, the quality and quantity of foods eaten (eg. high sugar-high fat), an imbalance between the calories ingested and one’s activity level (too many calories for too little activity) and the general hormonal balance in the body. There are psychological factors such as mood disturbances (eg. grief or depression),  body-image issues (eg. anorexia or bulimia) and anxiety states.  It is interesting to note that complaints of  “boredom”  can actually be an expression of a mood disturbance or underlying anxiety states; many people use food to break their boredom. And there are the unconscious patterns/reactions and thoughts which constantly influence our outward behaviour and habits but which we do nothing about because they are deeply stuck in our unconscious mind.

The physiological factors are more widely known and discussed.  Hormonal issues are better understood, as we become more familiar with puberty, peri-menopause and menopausal states in the body.  The roles of thyroid hormones and weight gain are better understood.  And now the role of the adrenal hormone cortisol, which creates havoc during stressful times, is being shown to create its own set of concerns for the body and mind.  So how do stressors affect our eating practices and weight?

The adrenal glands, which sit atop our kidneys, are unique structures. The outer layer (the cortex) responds to cues from the Endocrine System (hormones) but the middle layer (the medulla) responds to cues from the Nervous System (brain). The adrenal cortex responds to increased stress by producing extra cortisol, while the adrenal medulla releases epinephrine (adrenaline) and nor-epinephrine (noradrenaline).

Cortisol affects us by increasing our food cravings (especially for starchy and sugary foods), increasing our level of ghrelin (the hunger hormone), altering our blood sugar and insulin levels, increasing abdominal fat and lowering our sleep quality.  Why does sleep quality matter?  When we don’t get enough restorative sleep, the body produces more cortisol!

An increase in adrenaline/nor-adrenaline causes the Fight-Flight-Fright reaction. We experience increased blood pressure, heart rate, blood sugars and sweat production, decreased visual field, altered digestion and hormonal functional changes over time. Yes, these are some of the hormones implicated in our hunger and food cravings!

If the stressor experienced is acute, the body-mind have an opportunity to revert to a relaxed state once the stressor is removed or dealt with. However, chronic stress does not allow the body and mind to become restored, renewed and rested.  Instead, it keeps cortisol levels above normal range, interferes with restorative sleep, and keeps the body on constant “Alert” mode. And the cortisol levels continue to rise over time!

What about the other possible reasons for weight gain?

It is possible for any emotional, psychological or mental state where one does not feel “grounded and focused” to translate into a physical manifestation of weight gain.  Ongoing differences between what we want and expect from ourselves and the world and what our real situation is, can create internal stress. The differences between our imagined life and real life can create such stress that we feel the need to escape. Escapism is not congruent with being grounded!

To be grounded means we stand firmly in our personal power, assess reality with a practical focus and have a realistic view and approach to life.  In literal terms, an increase in weight provides the “mass” required to stand firmly on the ground. To help ourselves, we need to consider if our thoughts and feelings are truly realistic, because we need  to develop a sense of reality and drive in order to feel grounded again.  If we can feel more grounded and realistic in our world, then the outer need for extra weight can be released.

Our subconscious and unconscious minds may have issues that we are not yet fully aware. Or perhaps we were once aware but are now blocking and trying to ignore or forget because of the pain, shame or tears. We may be “stuffing down our emotions and memories” so we can’t feel or see them anymore. The body’s fat layer may be a physical manifestation of an emotional shield for our protection and security. But what are we protecting and shielding ourselves from?  What is making us feel vulnerable, insecure, overly sensitive, angry, ineffective, unappreciated, hurt, ignored, unloved?  What is the underlying thought, feeling or memory that is causing so much stress?  If we can find our way to feeling safe, secure and emotionally stable, then the physical barrier can become unnecessary. The need for the fat layer can be released.

In her book, Change For the Better, psychologist Elizabeth McCormick states:

”  If a person is unable to switch off, either physically or mentally, they may eventually break down.  It may be slow in coming, but break down they will because the body cannot maintain that level of stress. It was never intended to.  If we start to break down in our bodies with symptoms that don’t seem to have an organic cause, it is a message to us from the unconscious that we need to be taken into areas we have not yet explored or made conscious.  In today’s world, it is much easier to attribute the responsibility for our own stress to someone else. In the end, however, we shall be forced to face the real cause.”

You can always choose to do nothing about being overweight or managing your stressors in a positive way.  But note that some of the long term effects of ignoring yourself include blood sugar issues which often lead to diabetes and circulatory problems; increased blood pressure and heart rate which can lead to clots, stroke, heart attack and death;  reduced bone density which creates issues for mobility and strength; increased fat layers which can impede things such as your ability to walk, breathe, digest food, sleep, and attend to personal hygiene.  There are many emotional issues that come forth, such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and out-of-control anger or helplessness.  Pain in every aspect of your being is also a possibility when you continue to ignore your needs.

The only way a person can truly lose weight and keep it off is by attending to ALL the contributing factors in their life. There is no “magic elixer” to do the work for you. Physiological, psychological, emotional and spiritual practices that help to reduce all types of stressors, reduce cortisol and adrenaline levels, increase restorative sleep, increase proper nutrition, improve physical conditioning and promote a healthy sense of self, security and reality will all contribute to successful weight control.  Stress management techniques are an integral part of this health program; holistic care can provide a healthy foundation from which you can launch your New You.  Are you ready to say “Yes” to yourself?

Article written by Pat Antoniak, Registered Nurse – Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC

Lapis Lazuli is a metamorphosed limestone that contains blue Lazurite.   It also contains Pyrite, which adds a golden sparkle, and Calcite which shows up as white flecks.  Other trace minerals may be present, too.  Lapis is Latin for stone . Both the names Lazuli and Lazurite are derived from the Persian word lazhuward   and Latin word  lazulum , meaning “blue or heaven” . The best Lapis Lazuli is found in limestone in the Kokcha river valley of Badakhshan province in Afghanistan.  The value of lapis lazuli is largely determined by the abundance and colour of the dark intense blue Lazurite. The flecks of pyrite and calcite can either increase or decrease the value, depending upon how much is present in the stone.

Lapis Lazuli has been mined for over 6000 years.  Ancients used it extensively in religious ceremonies and as jewelry, amulets and talismans.  It was featured prominently in the sarcophagus of King Tut of Ancient Egypt.  Rulers wore it for protection, wisdom and inspiration.  It was believed to promote clear understanding, deep communication and intuition,  balance the thyroid gland and strengthen the neck and vocal cords.  This stone was once powdered and mixed with oil to produce the pigment ultramarine , which is seen in the beautiful blues of Renaissance paintings.

In Chakra theory, Lapis Lazuli is associated with both the throat and third-eye chakras .  In astrology, it is said to give Sagittarius the power of friendship and help in making decisions.  It has a history of alleviating depression, promotes bonding and strengthens idealism. It is also considered a “career stone’;  wear it to increase your success.

However you use Lapis Lazuli, whether it be for decoration, jewelry or meditation,  it is a beautiful addition to one’s collection.

Article written by Pat Antoniak Registered Nurse-Registered Aromatherapist
and owner of the Natural Comfort Wellness Centre in Tsawwassen, BC.

Did you know ……

• Lapis Lazuli is also found on Baffin Island, Canada
• Blue is the colour associated with the throat chakra (Speak your Truth)
• Red is the complimentary colour to Blue and is associated with the Root Chakra (Trust/Security)