Changing Unhealthy Patterns

Changing Unhealthy Patterns

by | Life Reflections

During conversations with clients, we eventually get to the topic of how to change those patterns and habits which are not healthy or helpful for on-going growth and healing. It isn’t as hard to understand what to change, as it is to actually make changes and stick with them.  Some of the best advice on how to make changes came from early books on healing and therapy for abuse victims. In the 1980’s, Ellen Bass and Laura Davis wrote a classic text, The Courage to Heal, which had great information for abuse survivors and those who work with them. This book offered straight-forward and practical advice which, for the most part, holds true today.  For those not familiar with their work, I have included a few ideas from their book.

“ The basic steps to making changes are:

  • Become aware of the behaviour you want to change; awareness is the first step to change because how can you make a change if you don’t know what to change?
  • Examine the reasons you developed that behaviour to begin with;  try to understand why you needed that behaviour at that time
  • Have compassion for what you’ve done in the past; even if you didn’t make the wisest, healthiest choices, you took the options you saw at the time; and now, you are making better choices, so focus on that
  • Find new ways to meet your needs; although every change doesn’t expose an unmet need, many do; by taking such needs seriously and finding new ways to meet them, you make it possible to maintain the change
  • Get support; people who are working to grow and change in their own lives will support you with encouragement and by example;  people who are living out the patterns you are trying to break will continually suck you back in;  respect the power of influence
  • Make several tries; although sometimes you can soar, usually making changes is a plodding process that doesn’t look very heroic or exciting; yet those everyday steps lead to real change and a more rewarding life
  • Be persistent;  most of the changes we make in our lives require repetition.”                   (pg.174)

Looking over this process one can see where the current ideas of radical forgiveness, support groups, one step/day at a time, positive affirmations, inner child work, unlocking personal power, daily meditation and lifestyle coaching come into play. There isn’t just one way to achieve a behavioural pattern change.  It requires one’s thinking, feeling and actions to be in sync with the personal change desired!

There are obstacles to change which need to be addressed. According to Bass and Davis, Fear of Change needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

“...It helps to name your fears. Naming things gives them less of a hold. … Fear doesn’t have to stop you. Even if you are afraid, you can still go ahead and make the changes you want.  You just do it anyway. You do it afraid. You do it nervously, awkwardly. You shake or sweat. You are not graceful or composed.  But you do it.”   (pg.175)

What is interesting about this, is that the more often you make the change you want, eventually you come to realize that you CAN do it.  You gain confidence with making one change, which will help you to make more changes towards the life you really want.  Those old tapes running in your mind that say things like: “you can’t, you will fail, you aren’t good enough, you aren’t smart enough, you don’t deserve this, etc.”  will have to change, too!  Because they are no longer your truth.

Old patterns do not go away quietly. They are deeply entrenched and habitual. Because they are familiar,they trigger a sense of security within us, because we know how things will turn out. We may actually hate the result, but at least we know it!  It’s familiar and predictable.  Patterns will fight back if they are faced with being destroyed and dismissed.  In fact, the behaviour pattern you want to release may escalate when you try to make the change you really want. This is where support and perseverance are crucial if you want to get through and beyond this point. Make sure you have lots of both!

These authors also have a section called “A Little Self-Love Goes A Long Way”,  which is a lovely way to conclude:

“Be kind to yourself. Be patient. Babies do not go from crawling to walking in a single day. We are not impatient or angry when they totter or fall. In fact, we delight in their first forays, even when they end in a plop.  Forgiving yourself when you backslide, being gentle with yourself, may be a pattern-breaker in itself. … Give yourself credit when you manage to do what you set out to do. … When you accomplish a goal, when you make a change you have worked hard to make, Celebrate!  Do something that is special for you.”   (pg.176-177)

Beach Therapy

Beach Therapy

by | Life Reflections

On a recent visit to Tofino, BC., I had the chance to really experience what Beach Therapy is all about.  Tofino is on the west coast of Vancouver Island and its beaches are cuddled by the Pacific Ocean. Some beaches are more protected than others, but all offer stunning views, wave movements and sounds, seaside smells and miles upon miles of beaches to lounge, walk, run or play upon. As it is summer vacation for most families right now, I also had opportunity to watch how others used Beach Therapy.  Here are a few of my observations.

Without exception, everyone walking along the miles of beach did so at a leisurely pace. Sure, there were a few who were exercising/running along the water, but even they stopped frequently to simply watch, listen and smell the ocean and beach. It’s hard to resist, so why bother?  At this pace, people took time to breathe deeply, smile and generally be at peace and one with the world. Curiosity and appreciation were tangible.  Even the smallest sea snails, shells or clumps of sea grass were observed with great attention and enthusiasm – as if a great treasure had just appeared for their eyes only.  Hearing the excited screams of children looking through tidal pools as they found fish, sea stars, and anenomes had adults walking over to see what was happening.  This gave a chance for the children and adults to have a moment to connect and communicate – without an electronic device.  Didn’t need one, as they were all “in the moment” together. They all shared in the excitement of the discoveries. And smiles were all around.

It is sad to think we need the fanciest of gadgets in order to have fun, be creative and connect with others.  With simply a pail and shovel, children showed how sand and water can ignite the imagination and become amazing architecture, sculptures and beauty treatments!  They created their projects for hours at the beach.  They connected with other children and passers-by with their projects, some stopping to help them and others offering words of encouragement. Even some teenagers got “down and dirty” and dug huge holes so they could “plant” large pieces of driftwood in the sand!  Chances are they would never be caught doing this at home, perhaps being afraid of embarrassment,  but somehow being on the beach gave them permission to use their hands, imagination and strength to create these driftwood “trees”. And again, passers-by would offer encouragement and smile at the enthusiasm and imagination at work here.

Watching people stepping onto the beach for the first time was also interesting.  Most adults stopped to take in the expansive vistas, while most children ran as fast as they could to the flat sand. Once in position, most children began doing cartwheels! Some danced! All squealed with delight. Some sang songs. And running was fun for them. It was as if I was watching their ultimate expression of freedom, joy and enthusiasm for life.  Try doing this in the city, at a bus-stop, park or mall and see what happens!  One parent remarked to me how he wished his children could feel this free and happy all the time. We both agreed that children deserve to be free to explore and experience their world so that they never lose their curiosity, creativity and laughter.  Hopefully their memories of this beach experience will remind them that the world is still a beautiful place to be.  Maybe this day will become their “happy place” during future meditation and relaxation practices.

As for me, I am always grateful to be given an opportunity to walk the beach, in search of shells and sea glass for my home and office. Feeling, smelling, seeing and touching the water and sand is always a good salve for my being. It also gives me a chance to be one with my deeper thoughts which can sometimes elude me during my busy work week. Too busy to slow down and be still – too busy as a human-doing, instead of a human-being!  It’s important for everyone to connect with the inner self – and I know that I am at my most creative when I listen to that inner voice. Beach Therapy helps me to reconnect with this truth. And it reminds me that I can’t wait for vacations to reconnect – I must find times and ways to do it regularly. The inner voice actually resides within me, so I take it wherever I go!

The summer is not over yet.  If you’ve not tried Beach Therapy yet, you still have time! Not close to beach? That’s okay. Remember that it doesn’t have to be an actual beach for you to feel this way. It doesn’t have to be on the Pacific Ocean.  It just has to be somewhere where you feel free, joyful, creative and at peace with yourself and your world. And it could be right in your own backyard.

Risk the Dream

Risk the Dream

by | Life Reflections, Psycho-Spiritual

Reflecting back upon the dreams, risks, successes, failures, and choices made that have brought me to this place and time in my life, all I can say is WOW!  Sometimes, the changes and risks were straightforward and effortless, “in the flow” and easy to incorporate.  Other times, things got so chaotic that I’d scream, “Stop the world – I want to get off!”  But there was no growth in giving up. And there was no going back.

To quote Colette Barron-Reid from The Enchanted Map,
“ It’s most important to note that nothing is static. Life is about movement and evolution, uncertainty as well as security, loss as well as love, treasures along with challenges.  Secrets are uncovered and beauty is revealed even in the darkest places, if you are willing to see your life as an on-going adventure.” 

This adventure called Life offers many lessons, challenges, and opportunities for choices;  some may call this Fate.  The choices we make (or don’t make) and the manner in which we handle these fated events are what help to determine our Destiny.  Or, the way our life story unfolds over time.

Risk taking requires making a change in some aspect of our life, to a lesser or greater degree.  Risk can be calculated or non-calculated.  Generally, the smaller the degree of risk involved, the less we calculate its pro’s and con’s.  For instance, opting to try a new flavour of yogurt or get a new hair style is a risk of lesser degree.  Deciding to quit your job, go back to school or move across the country or around the world holds a greater degree of risk. Yet all are “risks” and “changes”.  All provide us new experiences and information to process.

Changes offer an opportunity to gain experience, skills and knowledge.  We can access this learning for future decisions and risks. It is the accumulation of experiences over time and the learning we have from them that infuses us with Wisdom.
Knowledge + Skills + Experiences = Wisdom
But only if you chose to learn from them.  It is always your choice.

The question to ask is: Why might someone not want to take risks?  Here are some, but by no means all, of the reasons:
1.  Fear & Anxiety
Fear can hold you back and prevent you from trying new things. Fear comes from a place of feeling insecure with yourself, others or the world around you sildentadal.com/.  Fear and anxiety love to hang out together! If something creates anxiety for you, chances are that fear is in your world, too.

2.  Lack of Confidence
Risk-taking means taking action and responsibility and not being afraid of failure or mistakes. If you are not sure you can do something correctly, you likely won’t try. This is also part of the Perfectionistic Personality – “if I can’t do something perfectly, I’m not going to do it at all!  The Perfectionist hates embarrassment, so the fear of making a mistake can prevent them from taking any action at all. Without practice, how can they ever become good at anything new? How do they ever gain confidence to risk and try new things?

3.  No Support From Others
Sometimes we feel compelled to take a different road or follow an idea or dream which will create a specific change in our lives. We feel passionate about it, but others don’t share our enthusiam. It’s hard to pursue our “dream” when others call it a “nightmare”!  Resistance from others usually comes from not wanting to see you get hurt.  But it could also be their own projections of not being able to cope with changes, risk-taking or failure that they are putting on you. Sometimes, it could be their jealousy of your courage to try something they couldn’t or wouldn’t do. But if they succeed in planting doubt in your mind, you may hesitate with going forward with your plans.

Remember:  Trial & Error could just as easily be Trial & Success.

4.  Just Hate Changes
Some people truly hate the idea of change.  They spend most of their life ignoring, minimizing or blocking opportunities for change that present themselves. It takes time, energy, focus, and passion to take a risk and follow a dream.  For some, this is just too much to ask of them!  Better to “stay put” with what is familiar and safe – even if you are miserable with it.  Just excuse yourself from the adventure of life.  Curiosity, learning, creativity, challenges, new vistas and ways of doing things are grossly over-rated!

But what if the cry for risk-taking and change is calling you? Only you know the degree of risk you feel comfortable with. If you want to expand your world, it can be rough, tough and utterly overwhelming.  But come through the experience and be willing to learn the lessons it provides, then you have something precious that no one can ever take away from you.

Knowledge + Skills + Experiences = Wisdom

A final quote from Colette Baron-Reid’s The Enchanted Map:
” The path you’re on now is one that will challenge you to the core.That said, peril is also exciting and exhilarating… A life lived fully isn’t lived only in safety. A new experience is calling to you, one that will test your courage. The choice is yours, but there is greater value in risk taking than in remaining unchallenged. New territories are waiting to be discovered.” 

Emotional Release with Aroma-Genera

Emotional Release with Aroma-Genera

by | Aromatics, Energetics, Psycho-Spiritual

In last month’s newsletter, I referred to the emotional release technique, created by Valerie Ann Worwood, called Aroma-Genera.  Since that article, I have received some questions about this technique and how it is done. As a Registered Aroma-Genera Therapist for 15 years, it is my pleasure to offer more information.  Here is part of an article I wrote for our provincial aromatherapy association in Spring 2014, just prior to Valerie Worwood’s presentation to our group. It helps explain what it is and why one would use it.  I’ve then concluded this note with other comments pertinent to the questions I’ve recevied lately about Aroma-Genera.

“The 1980-s and 1990’s found the use of aromatherapy and essential oils for health and beauty exploding around the world.  This was also a time when people were starting to seriously look for more natural ways to help restore and maintain good health for themselves and their loved ones.  The many books written by Valerie Ann Worwood were, and still are, the “go-to” references for many folks.  In fact, her trilogy consisting of The Fragrant Pharmacy,  The Fragrant Mind and The Fragrant Heavens  are often all one really needs to help find relief for mind-body-spirit issues.  One of her therapeutic systems,  called Aroma-Genera, has been of particular interest to many holistic therapists.  But what exactly is it?

Aroma-Genera uses nine personality types  (called the Genera) and corresponding essential oils  (called the Set of Nine) to access physiological or psychological events which may impede physical healing, emotional well-being and life in general.  These events often hold factors that have restricted a person’s advancement and true personality.  By exposing imposed or adopted personality traits, the events can be dealt with and the true personality can come forth.

The intentions and purposes of Aroma-Genera are three-fold:
1) To accurately choose any source of help that may avert or avoid any disharmony with a person’s conscious and sub-conscious being
2) To help a person become free and become who they truly are
3) To acknowledge their worth and importance wich allows for expansion and growth.

The nine personality types are listed and described in depth in The Fragrant Mind.  Each has a specific set of qualities and challenges which change as the personality goes through its Abundant, General or Impoverished states.  Each has specific physical, emotional, cognitive, relationship and spiritual characteristics, lessons, and strengths that can either help or hinder inner growth. Emmeshed trauma and genetic memory (as explained in the mind-body literature), miasms (as explained in homeopathy and energetic literature), and imposed personalities are all helped by using the Set of Nine oils.  The ultimate goal is to achieve the Abundant State of your True Personality/Self.

As a “classification” system, Aroma-Genera has some similarities to other counseling techniques and psychological tools used in psychotherapy.  However, the use of specific essential oils to facilitate the rapid release and rebalancing of mind-body-spirit, makes this a remarkable approach for therapists to use. ”
(BCAPA Spring 2014 Newsletter)

An actual Aroma-Genera session takes between 90 minutes to 2 hours to complete.  Most long-term work is accomplished within 3 to 6 sessions done in weekly or bi-weekly succession.  Through mindful inhalation of each oil, a client has access to their own unique memories, imagination, insights and reactions. The therapist asks questions for clarification and description, but offers no interpretation of the client’s experience.  After all oils have been experienced, the therapist and client can discuss the session.  Often, the client is sent home with an oil or an essence to help work through and balance their issues.  Each week, more emotional release and balance is possible.

Aroma-Genera is useful in helping the artistic person get past any blocks to creativity and its expression; often called “being stuck”  or “drawing a blank”. For others, it can help identify and change self-sabbotaging thinking and actions.  It helps bring clarity to those seeking answers as to what their purpose and goals are in life.  For anyone wanting more happiness, satisfaction and joy in their life, it can help them to discover  how to achieve these for themselves.

So,  where will Aroma-Genera take you?

The Lavender Personality

The Lavender Personality

by | Aromatics

The gardens are coming alive with flowers and herbs – at least here on the West Coast.  And Lavenders, which usually wait until June to burst forth, are starting to show their colours now.  Much is written about Lavender as a herb, flower and essential oil.  In Aroma Genera, the therapy created by British aromatherapist Valerie Ann Worwood, we look at Lavender as a personality.

Lavender essential oil is considered the most useful oil in our aromatherapy kits, as it has a multitude of uses.  It is considered a very safe oil to use, which also adds to its popularity.  In Aroma Genera, we see the Lavender Personality as one of perfect balance between the masculine and feminine traits that everyone has.  It is mothering in its nature, yet can be brave and bold when required.

The characteristics of the Lavender Personality are many and include: 
Harmonious, Calming, Healing, Caring, Compassionate, Embracing

This is the personality who bravely overcomes obstacles, is generous with their time and energy to help others and seems to have unlimited energy.  The Lavender Personality loves plants, animals and the earth; it is Mother Nature personified!  There is an inbred correctness and spirituality to their nature, which often leads them to working in the helping professions or fighting for the rights of the less fortunate in their communities.  Easing the plight of others is a way for them to express their mothering natures.

If the Lavender Personality is in a negative state, they become highly strung, wound up and absorb energies off others without releasing them.  They tend to suffer in silence, as they believe they must always be the ones caring for others.  When in a prolonged negative state, this Personality is prone to the inability to rest or relax, sleeping disorders, unexplained headaches and migraines, and general body aches and pains.  Once they find their balance again and are in a positive state, the symptoms/conditions go away.

There are many ways to use Lavender essential oil to help with health and healing.  Some of the qualities and conditions it helps with are listed below;  many more conditions are listed in the Aroma Genera resource books. Generally speaking, Lavender essential oil is used in  inhalation methods to help with emotional and mental issues, while topical applications are helpful for body pains and issues.  One can always combine both an inhalation and topical method of use, if that provides more relief.

Lavender can be used to enhance feeling: positive, secure, balanced, compassionate, clarity, inner peace, comforted, relaxed and alert.

Lavender can be used to dispel: anxiety, irritability, stress, tension, mental exhaustion, insecurity, lost inner child, addiction, conflict, depression, worry, burnout.

If you do not have access to the essential oil, consider having Lavender plants in your garden or in patio containers. Each time you brush up against the flowers and leaves, remember to deeply inhale the aroma. If possible, cut some flowers to bring indoors levitra genérico sin receta. In time, these will dry and provide you with subtle aromatherapy for months to come.

 Remember:   Nature’s pharmacy is just a sniff away.