With the New Year upon us, we have a chance to evaluate our past year and see where we’d like to make better choices and changes in our lives. This is where Honesty comes in; no time to be in denial. No time to point blame elsewhere. And no time to minimize or rationalize anything negative that came our way. It happened, we reacted, and the results weren’t what we wanted or expected. Now, if we want to see a different, more positive result, we need to take responsibility for our reaction and work at developing a new approach – a new response. Without a new approach, we won’t get a new result. And we can expect more of the same over and over.
There is a difference between a reaction and a response. Most of us react to people and situations that trigger a deep, powerful emotion within us. This emotion is generally rooted in things like abandonment, low self-esteem, fear, anger or rejection from an earlier time in life. When we act from this position, we are actually showing others that we are feeling victimized from our own past and its accompanying emotions. We haven’t worked things out and let them go. They are still there, like emotional buttons waiting to be pushed. What we get back from the other person is often emotionally charged, too. This can set up a potentially dangerous situation – physically, mentally and/or emotionally. Reaction is like a quick reflex – a knee-jerk reaction. Once it is done, we can’t take it back. Often times we wish we could so we could do it better!
A response is different. When we respond to people or situations, we employ both our head and heart. We recognize our emotional state, but we think before we talk or take action. Our thinking and feeling coordinate to create the response. When we choose to respond, we show we are using a balanced approach to the situation or person. A response shows that we are in control of ourselves in the situation. We have no buttons to be pushed! We are free from our past and the emotions attached to it. We choose to respond to our past and present, so that our future can be better.
How do we switch from using reaction to response? One of the keys is Surrender. Odd as it may sound, surrendering to all that has happened in the past allows for it to leave us alone. When we hold on to it, fight with “the demons of the past”, or continue to wish that the past had been better, we are giving our past the control over our current state of being and ability to balance our head and heart reactions into responses. If there are no emotional buttons to push, we can think and feel more clearly. We can act more neutrally. We stay in the Now and respond in the Now.
The more often we use responses towards emotionally charged situations and people, the better we start to feel about ourselves. This, in turn, helps increase our sense of positive feelings for ourselves and our abilities. And our confidence and trust in our ability to create our own way will start to increase. Action will follow thought!
See yourself in a whole new light. Don’t expect others to like what they see, as they’ve been used to you being another way that suited their purposes. But in time, and with your consistent responses, not reactions, to what others say or do to you, they will come to know that your strength, courage and belief in yourself are real. This is your new course – your new way of being. This is how you begin to set a new course for what you truly want in your future.
You are in the driver’s seat – where do you want to go?